Incompetent Advice

I'm 30 years old, divorced, underemployed, I live alone with one extremely neglected houseplant, and I've had more breakups than Liz Taylor and more jobs than someone twice my age. Do you really want my advice? If so, email Disclaimer: I am not qualified to dispense advice. The only degree of any kind I hold is in journalism, which only qualifies me for good grammar and poor income prospects. Whatever happens afterwards is your lookout.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Dear Incompetent...(which is hilarious, you are anything but..)
Your URL was saved in the dropdown menu + slow day, here =....

No drama, sorry. But, I digress.......had an interesting conversation after tennis the other day. One of our group & his girlfriend is having a baby. Excitement all around! And, of course, the question was put to me..."why don't you have a girlfriend?" To which I replied, I believe:

1.Young women think older men are disgusting. Even older women are not into older men.
2. I think most, women, would consider a man 40, depending on his level of fitness. (Forty being the 'new' 30? Or some such crap...) However, absolute cutoff being 45ish. But, I think most women would say 30s. I also think women rule out anyone closer in age to their mom than to them. I think women can find older men hot, but I think they don't tend to have a whole lot in common with them.

Anyways, spring & summer are near which means unlimited opportunities to watch these trainwrecks at some outside bar in a neighborhood near you! (I'm much older than the cutoff, so I have carte blanche to sit back & watch the poor bastards 'crash & burn!)

Great site!


Yours truly

Dear YT,

Oh, my God. The dreaded “Why are you single?” question. Because, of course, being single is the end of the world. Heaven knows that because of single people, the Earth will stop spinning ‘round, the governments of the free world will collapse, and there will be a rain of toads upon Kansas City. (For the record, all you married and settled people out there, that question is ALWAYS out of line. Next time someone asks me why I’m not married, I’m telling them it’s because of I have borderline personality disorder and daddy issues. Then I’m asking if they’ve had to start watching porn to keep the spark alive in their marriage.)

I can’t really tell you why you don’t have a girlfriend. Some guys you can tell within five minutes why they’re single. Usually, it’s one of three reasons: 1. unreasonable expectations (this includes wife-shopper guys who treat women as interchangeable girlfriend units, as well as schlubby guys who want to date sports-loving supermodels who wash dishes in a thong and push-up bra), 2. he’s soul-crushingly boring and boorish, 3. he just hasn’t met the right woman, usually because he either hasn't been looking, or has been looking in the wrong places. Most guys fall into Category 3.

As for the age thing, does it matter? Personally, I’ve dated five years younger and up to 12 years older. I think it’s more important to seek your own level. If someone’s maturity level matches with yours, and you have similar interests, personalities, and goals, then age will become less important over time.

From reading your letter, I get a sense of detachment. You’re watching others crash and burn, but don’t seem to put yourself out there at all. Maybe you’d rather analyze why you don’t have a girlfriend, rather than go out there and meet one. Maybe you’re letting your age be an excuse, “Oh, I’m too old to date, so I’ll just sit this one out.” You’re never too old for anything!

So here’s your task: put yourself out there. Get squashed, rejected, and kicked around. Join an online dating site, ask your friends to set you up, sign up for DateLab, go on a blind date or two. I can’t promise you’ll meet anyone great, or that you’ll even meet anyone passable, but you’ll be moving forward. Good luck!